Many assume that if a memory still stings, they must not have truly forgiven, or they must not have enough faith, or they must be “too sensitive.” That conclusion sounds spiritual on the surface, but it often produces shame—and shame has a way of keeping pain stuck.

Instead, I want to offer you language that is both honest and hope-filled. What if the place that hurts isn’t proof that you’re weak, but proof that you’re human? What if it isn’t a sign that you’re far from God, but a place where God wants to meet you with His tenderness?

In Psalm 34:18 we’re reminded, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Notice it doesn’t say He is close only to the “strong-hearted,” or only to those who have their emotions perfectly managed. He draws near to the tender places.

Sometimes our bodies remember what our minds have tried to file away. That’s not rebellion. That’s a signal. And you can respond to that signal with curiosity and compassion instead of condemnation.

When a memory still hurts, it often means one (or more) of these things is still present:

First, there may still be grief. You might have “accepted” what happened, but you haven’t truly mourned what you lost. Maybe it was trust. Maybe it was innocence. Maybe it was a relationship that never became what you hoped. Jesus understands grief, and He does not rush it. John 11:35 is short but powerful: “Jesus wept.”

Second, there may still be fear. Even if the event is in the past, your nervous system can feel like it needs to stay on guard so it never happens again. That’s not a character flaw; it’s often a learned survival pattern. Scripture speaks tenderly here too. “When I am afraid, I will trust in You” (Psalm 56:3). Not if. When.

Third, there may still be meaning that needs to be redeemed. Sometimes we don’t just carry the memory of what happened; we carry the message we concluded because it happened. Messages like, “I’m not safe,” “I’m too much,” “My needs don’t matter,” or “God won’t come through for me.” Those messages can attach to the memory like burrs on clothing.

God doesn’t only want to help you cope with the memory. He wants to heal the meaning you’ve been forced to carry.

Some people resist healing because they believe if they feel better, they’re excusing what happened. Or they’re afraid that if the pain leaves, the lesson will leave with it.

But healing is not amnesia. In Christ, healing is redemption.

Think of Thomas after the Resurrection. Jesus did not shame him for needing proof. He invited him close. He even showed him the scars (John 20:27). The scars remained, but they were no longer signs of defeat. They were testimony that Jesus had overcome.

In the same way, the lesson can remain while God removes the pain. He can allow you to remember without reliving. He can keep you wise without remaining wounded.

Letting go, biblically, isn’t pretending it didn’t matter. Letting go is releasing your right to keep paying for it with your peace.

And friend, your peace matters. Not because life is easy, but because you belong to the Prince of Peace.

When an old memory rises up, sometimes we will either shove it down or spiral into it. But, there’s a third way: you can pause and practice presence with God.

Here is a simple rhythm you can try the next time you feel that familiar sting. Keep it practical. Keep it small. Give yourself room to breathe.

1) Name what’s happening without judgment. Try saying, “A tender memory is coming up right now.” Or, “My body feels anxious.” Or, “I feel the ache of what happened.” Naming is not dramatizing. Naming is grounding.

2) Breathe slowly and invite God into the moment. Inhale for a count of four, hold for a count of two, exhale for a count of six. As you exhale, pray something simple like, “Jesus, be near.” You don’t need perfect words. You need His presence.

3) Ask one clarifying question. Not ten questions. One. “Lord, what is this touching in me?” Or, “What lie tried to attach to my heart here?”

4) Replace the lie with truth from Scripture. If the lie is “I’m alone,” the truth is “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5). If the lie is “I’m not safe,” the truth is “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty” (Psalm 91:1). If the lie is “I’m not enough,” the truth is “My grace is sufficient for you” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

5) Choose one small next step. Drink a glass of water. Step outside for two minutes. Journal one paragraph. Text a trusted friend. Turn off the TV and sit quietly with God for five minutes. Small steps add up.

This is stress relief that’s actually sustainable—because it doesn’t demand you become a different person overnight. It invites you to come back to Jesus in real time.

Replaying is exhausting. It can feel like your mind is trying to solve something that can’t be solved, fix something that can’t be fixed, or finally find the sentence you should have said.

One of the most tender Scriptures for this is Isaiah 26:3: “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.”

Notice it doesn’t say, “You will keep her in perfect peace when her past is perfect.” It says peace is connected to where the mind is stayed.

Here’s a practical way to “stay your mind” when you catch yourself replaying:

First, say, “This is a replay.” Call it what it is.

Second, pick one short anchor verse. Not a whole chapter. One verse. Write it on a card. Put it by your sink, your nightstand, your Bible, your calendar.

Third, speak it out loud, slowly, as if you’re speaking to your nervous system and your soul. Faith comes by hearing (Romans 10:17), and sometimes you need to hear truth from your own mouth.

Then, ask the Holy Spirit, “What do You want me to know right now?”

Often, what you need isn’t another analysis of the memory. It’s a fresh encounter with God’s love in the present moment.

God does not waste pain. But He also does not require you to keep pain as proof that you learned.

So what does it look like to keep the lesson?

It might look like healthy boundaries. Some will confuse forgiveness with access. But forgiveness releases a debt; it does not always restore closeness. Even Jesus had boundaries. He loved everyone, but He did not entrust Himself to everyone (John 2:24).

It might look like discernment. You notice patterns sooner. You ask better questions. You don’t ignore red flags. That’s not cynicism; that’s wisdom.

It might look like compassion. Sometimes those who have been through the deepest valleys become the safest people to sit with someone else in theirs. God can turn your survival into ministry. Second Corinthians 1:4 says He comforts us “so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

The lesson is allowed to remain, but the pain is not required to stay. You can be wise and lighthearted. You can be discerning and soft. You can be strong and peaceful.

Sometimes a painful memory doesn’t just make you sad. It makes you feel distant from God. Not because He moved, but because pain can numb us, distract us, or make us question.

If you’ve been there, make it doable today. Here are a few simple prayers you can borrow when you feel dry:

“Jesus, I bring You the part of me that still aches.”

“Holy Spirit, show me what You want to heal here.”

“Father, I surrender the meaning I attached to ________, and I receive Your truth.”

“Lord, I believe; help my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)

There is deep mercy in honest prayer. You do not have to perform for God. You get to simply come to Him.

And if reading Scripture feels hard right now, start small. Read one Psalm. Read one chapter from the Gospels. Sit with one verse and ask, “What does this show me about God’s heart?” That is still real devotion. That is still connection.

If you feel calmer when your thoughts are on paper, here’s a gentle journaling practice that supports emotional wellness without re-traumatizing you. Set a timer for ten minutes so it doesn’t turn into an hour-long spiral.

Write the memory as a headline, not a novel. Just one sentence.

Then answer these three prompts:

What did I lose or long for in that moment?

What message did I believe about myself, God, or people?

What truth does God want to speak to me now?

Close by writing a one-sentence blessing over your own heart, such as, “I am held by God, and I am safe to heal.”

Again, small steps add up. You are practicing a new rhythm: bringing your story into the light with Jesus, where shame cannot thrive.

Sometimes a memory still hurts because it was truly traumatic, deeply wounding, or repeatedly harmful. If you find yourself having panic symptoms, nightmares, ongoing depression, or feeling unable to function normally, it is wise to seek additional support through a trusted Christian counselor or trauma-informed coach.

Getting support is not you “failing” at faith. It is you honoring the body and soul God gave you.

In Scripture, healing was often communal. People brought others to Jesus. They didn’t shame them for needing help. They carried them (Mark 2:3–5). If you need someone to help carry you to the feet of Jesus in this season, that is a sacred and brave step.

Let’s land this gently. If a memory still hurts, it doesn’t mean you’re broken beyond repair. It doesn’t mean your faith is fake. It doesn’t mean you’re “too much.” It may mean your heart is asking for care—and God is willing to meet you there.

You can let go without forgetting. You can keep the lesson without carrying the weight. You can remember and still rest  

Make it doable today. Choose one small step: one breath prayer, one anchor verse, one boundary, one journal page, one honest conversation with God. Give yourself room to breathe. 

And if you’re ready to go deeper and gently address the memory that still hurts—without having to relive it or stay stuck in the loop—let me invite you into an Aroma Freedom Technique coaching session. This is a Christ-centered, Spirit-led space where we bring the emotion, the message attached to it, and your heart’s “tender place” into the light with Jesus, so you can release what you’ve been carrying and receive truth where pain has been speaking. 

Don’t delay one more day. Discover how you can walk in the freedom God longs for your heart. 

Learn more here: Coaching with Paula